Sri Mata Amritanandamayi Devi (Amma)

The first day at Amma's Ashram ended with me serving hundreds of lentil soup portions in the pay-to-eat "western dining hall" whilst my free Indian food went cold along with my feelings about gurus.

Ashram Arrival

I had been happily lifted by my Sri Aurobindo and Sai Baba guru experiences and was looking forward to throwing myself into Ashram life and learning about the teachings and doings of this famously compassionate guru. Between arriving by ferry and feeding the five thousand, I had bought some little books on Amma's teaching that it was too hot to read, and had booked a sunrise class before heading over to the beach for group meditation with Amma who I had not expected to be at the Ashram at all. I was a little frustrated that the meditation was guided, but I did receive one of the world's most famous hugs! When I reached the front of the newcomer's queue, Amma was talking to one of her entourage while my sweaty face was plummetted twice for several seconds into her armpit. As hugs go it was a poor one and it left me totally unmoved.

As I lay on my bunk beneath my film of sweat, I got out the little books and began to read one of them. The words seemed dogmatic and I sweated a bit more, as my hot neck crunched the plastic coated pillow. Having a guru, or maybe this guru, was not for me and I tried to passify myself and regain my equilibrium by adding to my negativity some more generous thoughts like "...but it's obviously good for lots of other people" but even that sucked me back into negativity about the place as I recalled the grumpy woman in the temple when I was signing up for my service. I also recalled the 90 minute evening Bajan (hymn) singing session where I had observed several thousand devoted people, really caught up in their moments. All I saw in the powerpoint translations were words that were too guru-idolising for my liking. I melted into sleep questioning what the point of singing in Tamil and Malayalam was for the hundreds of western devotees.

Beginners Tai Chi began before dawn and the sun eventually heaved its huge red self over the palmy Keralan backwaters beside our group and its peace-emitting teacher who looked far eastern but had a heavily French accent. I found myself immediately in touch with the energy (Chi) we were working with, which I may easily have dismissed as imagination in the past. We built energy up, compressed it and used it to channel movement in our bodies. Not only did I enjoy it physically and mentally but it began to make sense of things for me; we were methodically concentrating our own energy, exactly what meditation, and yoga do. The wonder of my revelation though was that I have been being kind to myself in this way all of my life because getting out in the hills on my own or in quiet company inadvertantly does the same thing whether it be on foot or horseback.

After the class I bumped into a French lady who had arrived on the same boat as me and who I had sat with at the evening beach meditation. She was also feeling disapointed with her Amma Ashram experience, worse still it was her Birthday and she had been looking forward to receiving Darshan (a blessed hug from Amma) to make her day special and now wasn't bothered. I gave her a big hug and two kisses which she warmly received, before we tucked into our inclusive Indian breakfasts with our hands of course! In my room I shared my thoughts with one of my three room mates who was very sad to be leaving that day. She hoped for my sake that I could stay longer and give it a chance. I felt like I was letting her down by not getting something good out of the place, a feeling which spurred me into action.

First ashram view from the main ferry

Determined to try, I went and meditated on the beach in the scant morning shade, it was relaxing but I found myself back in the pink tower block charging my appliances by late morning. That was when I decided to take a look at the second book I had bought. It was a list of things to do to make your "householder's" life a more spiritually fullfilling one, and to be fair it was really down to earth good advice, if culturally rather too Hindu for a workaholic-horselover for whom even choosing the right partner seems to have taken 35 years!


And thus I began my journey with Amma. After my initial stint of dinner serving, my computerised slip told me that I was to spend the afternoon scrubbing recycling-bound-dirty-plastic under some suspended sacks on the beach. It sounded dreadful, but it was environmentally rewarding and sociable and the afternoon flew by. Amongst other things, I learned that the skinny gardener at the Ashram Guesthouse with a room called "Integrity" was my fellow-scrubber's super-intelligent brother who was on a colossal spiritual journey which he was considering turning into his latest novel ...you heard it here first! The afternoon's work was concluded with hot milk (which created another 2700 plastic bags to wash) and some cakey biscuit. Unfortunately it had wheat in it, however, this was no issue here because around the corner this ashram had a "westerners cafe" which baked a fresh daily selection of cake and cookies catering to the entire spectrum of food intolerances!

Photography is not permitted but my phone did take this

And through wheat-free ginger oatmeal cookies, fresh fruit, free indian meals, a fair dose of meditation and the odd spot of singing in Tamil, my time at the Ashram took shape until all too soon it was leave. I was still not an Amma devotee and did not get up to chant at 0430 but I did go up to the women's only mediatation area on the temple roof at 0515 where I stayed for 3 hours breaking just the once to move my body using basic Tai Chi to maintain my meditative state. After breakfast I packed, paid my tiny accomodation and food bill (only 200 rupees per day which was a blessing in itself after the cost of eating in Varkala!) and headed off to negotiate a change to my alloted "stage sitting with Amma" time. Stage-sitting is something everyone staying at the Ashram is allowed to do whilst Amma gives Darshan (Blessed Hugs) in front of a sea of devotees. I had not previously taken my opportunity to do this because it seemed rather too devotional and involved chanting. Paradoxically, on the stage, on my last morning, cross legged amongst the fervent devotees and within two meters of the woman whose legacy of love and kindness donated $23m to the 2004 tsunami fund and countless sums to countless other relief efforts ...I chanted my little heart out!

Horray for Amma and her followers ...you never know you might even be seeing me again!

Postscript

During my time at the Ashram, I had a lot of short conversations with; retirees, life escapees, gap-yearers, strung out professionals (poor things) and the odd person from my Vipassana course. Each conversation built a piece of each person's journey none moreso than my own, almost as if there had been a divine strategy in place.

Despite former misgivings, I learned that for lots of people a spiritual leader is what they need to help channel them into a happier life, although for me and my independence, absolute Guru worship doesn't work ...but, the teachings of these leaders have great value and to take from them the elements which can be applied to improve your own life and enable you to create happiness for others is a good thing.

I liked ashram life as an opportunity to practice and think but despite appreciating the conversations, I would have preferred longer periods of silence to allow for deeper reflection. With noble silence in place I might not have needed to beat myself up for having been so quick to draw a conclusion.

...I still need to work on my Equanimity it seems!

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