I arranged to
stay at this consensus-run women’s ashram in baking hot central Maharashtra to
study all of the reading matter I have bought on the trip. I planned to study this material and find
realistic ways of applying a more spiritual way of being to the life and
relationship I expected to return to.
What I hadn’t expected was Steve’s departure from India being Steve’s
departure from my life at home too.
“If you really want to make God laugh, all you
have to do is tell him about all the plans you have made for the future”
Swami Dayananda Saraswati
Just to clear up
some of your queries… I was seeing Steve on and off before the trip but came
away (partly) to get some perspective on whether I could commit myself to
another age-gap relationship. I invited
Steve to join me on the trip when I felt that I could commit, but despite a lot
of love, it became clear to us both that a solid future together was not going
to happen.
“If you want to find the sacred space in your
life, then you must want to ‘walk without blemish’. You will of course fail to live without
blemish; but failing is quite different from not even trying”
Abbot Christopher Jamison
So what I have
actually done here is used my new guidelines to ensure that I didn’t slump into
depression1 and improve my understanding of what happiness is2
ready for an unknown future that I am not going to (over!) plan. Perhaps this is Ganesh giving me his grace and
allowing me to see my future as a host of opportunities3, something
I have not been able to do for decades.
“Remembering the past and giving thought to the
future are important but only to the extent that they help one to deal with the
present”
SN Goenka
1 - Emotions are sensations which rise and fall, nothing
is permanent …anicca (See Vipassana Posts from late Jan 2011)
2 - Achieved by leading the most noble/blemish
free/gracious life possible, free of cravings and aversions
3 – The Elephantine Hindu God of opportunity to whom I
gave devotion in Tamil Nadu (See “Being present …Trichy” post from mid Feb 2011)
Methinks you have been away too long my lovely. I think your post date references should read 2012. Never mind, we all know what you mean.
ReplyDeleteI think God must have been in hysterics at certain points in my life, which is why I stopped planning anything for a good many years.
Ref Mr Goenkas thoughts on the present,Gandhi also said the future depends on what we do in the present.
Much love xxxxxxx