A Well-Spent Youth

As I lifted the last clean serving pot into place after lunch, one of the sisters came up to me and said with a warm smile, “we are enjoying your company, you are intelligent, learn fast and other sister says you make the work very beautiful”.  I was so thrilled that I almost skipped out of the kitchen because I have made no significant effort to do the several hours a day of chores here, I just find it really easy to muck-in, do them well and always with a smile.

Before the rather more misspent portion of my youth I had a very well spent one; I really enjoyed Guiding and Venture Scouts and was subsequently a Cub-Scout Leader in my 20s.  I have realised this afternoon that my ability to get involved in an unknown community or kitchen and do a job well is probably thanks to Scouting.  One of Vinobaji’s main facets of community from a non-violence perspective was that no matter what your skillset or background, you should do a share of the manual tasks required to keep you fed, warm and safe …and Scouting (especially camps and putting on gangshows) provides that balancing gift to youngsters everywhere and they don’t even notice.

Out of the prayer closet!

Alongside and partly thanks to my studies I have dealt with my discomfort with the word prayer.  I always thought that you had to believe in a recognised God-figure in order to pray.  I didn’t have a God-figure and so I thought that even crossing my fingers or saying “oh my god” was hypocritical.  Praying was out of the question for me.

Since being at the Ashram, it has dawned on me that I have actually been praying since I went to Gaia House for the first 5 days of December 2011.  Loving Kindness meditation is prayer because in order to send peace, love and compassion to others I am communing with a greater force …the atomic vibrations (bear with me) which constitute the common consciousness (The force of Nature).

So there we have it, for me at least, God is Nature (something I was reliably informed of years ago on a flight to Dubai) and regardless of religion we  are all capeable of being thankful and compassionate …and that is all there really is to it!



Give us this day our daily bread! ;)

NB – If anyone reading this used to sweat their nights out with me at the H@cienda in the 90s …did you ever think you’d see the day that I publically extoled the virtues of prayer? …she’s still full of surprises! ;) x

“Living Room” …the beginning of my manual for life

Gentle focus and study facilitated by this place has quenched my mental thirst.  When not meditating, mopping with a bamboo and old rag, sweeping with a bunch of twigs or washing up with wood ash and coconut fibre,I have spent several hours a day in my room under the fan with spiritual books I have gathered from Ashrams and Amazon (they weigh less on the kindle!).  I have now created a higgledy-piggledy manual on how I want to lead my life when I get home.  There are scribbled pages in my notebook which now contain (in no particular order)…

• Wonderful quotes from all of the books I have read.
• Big things to ponder/consider …like ongoing vegetarianism
• Ways I can immediately start to serve others
• Ideas about the right kind of work to facilitate happiness

• Notes and suggestions as to how to simplify my UK life
• Situations that I have found hard to deal with and how to accomplish them better
• Things to look up when I get back
• Lists of what is important now …and what isn’t
• A page or so on the meditation space I am going to create
• Techniques for starting/coping with/ending the day properly

Earthenware ...unbelievably cool!

Living at Brahmavidya Mandir Ashram

The Ashram where I am staying was founded in 1959 by Vinoba Bhave (see subsequent post) who set it up for women to run on a self-sufficiency basis without central leadership.  All decisions here are made unanimously by the group.  I have watched this taking place, it is laid back, anyone can have their say and everyone is heard, whether they are on a plastic chair at the back or sat on the floor in the middle of the group.  I observed no edge whatsoever …for all I know, they might have been deciding what jobs I was going to be allocated the next day but I expect that most things are agreed this convivially because nobody here is constrained by money or ownership and everyone here is aiming to be selfless, as a result what is best for the community and the Ashram should be clear to all.  The day begins at 4am and involves manual service, community prayer (the ladies chant and sing together in Hindi and I sit doing loving-kindness mediation), daily silence and three organic meals eaten with hands whilst sat cross legged on the floor …I am fit to drop by 8.30pm.

I feel fortunate to be the only guest in this community of 28 sisters who have made me feel truly welcome.  They live here because they have chosen to lead a spiritual life of devotion, service, celibacy and self-realisation.  Vinobaji spent his last 12 years here (he died in 1982) with the sisters and some of his closest brothers (only one now remains) and he said of this place…

“We are not exclusively attached to any country.

We give no special emphasis on any religion

We are not bound to any community or cast.

Our field of study is to soar in the region of the noble thoughts spread all over the world, to assimilate noble thoughts is our sacred duty.

To establish understanding in various specialities and to develop “world-attitude” is our discipline of thought.”

…Unlike the over-populated and slickly produced Amma ashram, I adored this place from the moment I stepped out of my rickshaw.  The simple buildings form a quadrangle around a 2 acre organic allotment housing occasional shrines made from ancient temple carvings excavated here in the early years of the Ashram.  Its Gerald Durrell meets River Cottage at the Buddha Lounge, the perfect retreat for someone who grew up loving Scout camps, The Levellers and stone circles.  Outside of the main courtyard there is a temple/shrine, an arable farm and a dairy (with gorgeous calves).  In my mind at least, this place is what an ashram should be; peaceful, reflective, selfless and in wholly in touch with its environment.

Making God Laugh!

I arranged to stay at this consensus-run women’s ashram in baking hot central Maharashtra to study all of the reading matter I have bought on the trip.  I planned to study this material and find realistic ways of applying a more spiritual way of being to the life and relationship I expected to return to.  What I hadn’t expected was Steve’s departure from India being Steve’s departure from my life at home too.

“If you really want to make God laugh, all you have to do is tell him about all the plans you have made for the future”

Swami Dayananda Saraswati

Just to clear up some of your queries… I was seeing Steve on and off before the trip but came away (partly) to get some perspective on whether I could commit myself to another age-gap relationship.  I invited Steve to join me on the trip when I felt that I could commit, but despite a lot of love, it became clear to us both that a solid future together was not going to happen.

“If you want to find the sacred space in your life, then you must want to ‘walk without blemish’.  You will of course fail to live without blemish; but failing is quite different from not even trying”

Abbot Christopher Jamison

So what I have actually done here is used my new guidelines to ensure that I didn’t slump into depression¹ and improve my understanding of what happiness is² ready for an unknown future that I am not going to (over!) plan.  Perhaps this is Ganesh giving me his grace and allowing me to see my future as a host of opportunities³, something I have not been able to do for decades.

“Remembering the past and giving thought to the future are important but only to the extent that they help one to deal with the present”

SN Goenka

1 - Emotions are sensations which rise and fall, nothing is permanent …anicca (See Vipassana Posts from late Jan 2011)

2 - Achieved by leading the most noble/blemish free/gracious life possible, free of cravings and aversions

3 – The Elephantine Hindu God of opportunity to whom I gave devotion in Tamil Nadu (See “Being present …Trichy” post from mid Feb 2011)