...quite a flat meadow actually

On Wednesday I reached my open meadow ...my last day at work.

I had ached for this day in recent weeks (note agonising poetry) and yet when it arrived I was full of sadness.  I had worked there for 5 years and 8 months.  It had been my constant companion, my place of professional growth, my primary focus and my network.  It had accompanied me through marriage, divorce and emotional turmoil yet I never until recently considered that it could have been the insidious creator of the later two.

The goodbyes were tough, even the emailing of them was a pull on my heart, but that same heart was lifted by the kind replies I received in those closing hours.

Mixed emotion was a sleep depriving demon inside me and at 0130 I got up.  I cannot recall what I did but I went back to bed at about 0430 and slept for 1.5 hours before leaving the compost in the sink, the computer switched on and a house that looked like it had been burgled.

...but leave it for a better place I did.

5 silent days of Buddhist meditation retreat in glorious Devon countryside

I was there!!

Resurrection of an old friend

There is nothing like an old friend to give you a kick or a hug when you need one (Nx/Ex)

Old friends are always there but sometimes the friendship needs dusting off ...and that was exactly what I just did when I scrubbed up my old Tatonka travel pack.  This pack is the best and not buying another one has facilitated lots of other lovely pre-trip spending!

This old friend's finer points include:

• several pieces of red security tape from Indonesia 1999 which desipte "the scrubbing" is still secure
• a tiny Union Jack cloth badge that Mum sewed on in 1998 - unfortunately though its lost its dirty old charm as part of "the scrubbing"
• An adjustable harness which given my new straighter back I might finally be able to utilise!
• Bomber Zips - To my exdpedition leading little brother - I took your advice and chose the pack with the best zips!!
• Its a rectangle not an oval - an storage essential for the female backpacker expecting to tackle numerous markets
• A we have pretty extensive backpacking history in SE Asia, China and Africa ...we even went to Timbuktou together!

...so am I really going alone?

Ink on paper

Unfolding view
a horizon appears
Dorothian expectation prickles deadened veins
limited oxygen yet heightened heart
finds welcome space to pound

almost there....

A Break in the Cloud

Hail the delivery of pre-travel shopping!

...love the subtle shades

long to pack

almost there...

Insufficient Oxygen

...and finally I am into the last week of work, every day now feels like a summit ascent with insufficient oxygen but I have some clear and challenging objectives which keep the next foot placing itself in front of the last.

I fear that nobody has been informed of my imminent departure and I am yet to see next Wednesday as ink on paper.  The sooner I do, the sooner the precipice I am tiptoeing will open to reveal wide open meadows where my mind and I can run without danger.

The emotional abyss still circles, beckoning in the mists beneath me, so come right foot, your partner has hit the ground ...almost there

Footsteps on a Ridge

Gravel slipping
tumbling showers of grit fall
who knows where.
End in sight.

End in sight,
falling showers of grit tumble
who knows where
gravel slipping

almost there...